Victoria Park, Leicester.
Is it just me?
It’s a battle of up’s and down’s.
Me versus me.
Wake up. Look outside. Rub my eyes. Check my phone. No messages. Brush my teeth. Go downstairs. Eat breakfast. Send 5 texts. Do something. Send another text. One more. No replies. Why not? It’s 4 o’clock. Everyone replies quickly. What did you do? You could send another one? No, I don’t want to annoy. Maybe it’s your phone? No, it’s new. Maybe she’s busy? No, she’s at home now. She doesn’t like you. It’s all a lie. Nobody likes you. Nobody thinks about you. You should go. You aren’t needed here. I clench my fists. I grit my teeth. I cry. You are hated. You are lonely. I am sad. Fuck you all, I don’t need you anyw-… A reply. She’s so cute! I wonder what she did today. I can’t wait to see her. She sound’s so happy. I want to be happy. I imagine her smile. I smile. I imagine her laugh. I’m still smiling. I imagine her embrace. I imagine her kiss. Maybe she does like me. It’ll be better when we’re back together. Are you sure? It’s just the distance. I am loved. You can’t know that. I need her. You need no-one. I am happy. You’re lying to yourself.
This is nothing new. This will all happen again. I will face myself. And I’m not sure I can win.
We are cool.
Take a picture. It lasts longer.