Floaty

Victoria Park, Leicester.

Is it just me?

Borough Market

It’s a battle of up’s and down’s.

Wake up. Look outside. Rub my eyes. Check my phone. No messages. Brush my teeth. Go downstairs. Eat breakfast. Send 5 texts. Do something. Send another text. One more. No replies. Why not? It’s 4 o’clock. Everyone replies quickly. What did you do? You could send another one? No, I don’t want to annoy. Maybe it’s your phone? No, it’s new. Maybe she’s busy? No, she’s at home now. She doesn’t like you. It’s all a lie. Nobody likes you. Nobody thinks about you. You should go. You aren’t needed here. I clench my fists. I grit my teeth. I cry. You are hated. You are lonely. I am sad. Fuck you all, I don’t need you anyw-… A reply. She’s so cute! I wonder what she did today. I can’t wait to see her. She sound’s so happy. I want to be happy. I imagine her smile. I smile. I imagine her laugh. I’m still smiling. I imagine her embrace. I imagine her kiss. Maybe she does like me. It’ll be better when we’re back together. Are you sure? It’s just the distance. I am loved. You can’t know that. I need her. You need no-one. I am happy. You’re lying to yourself.

This is nothing new. This will all happen again. I will face myself. And I’m not sure I can win.

We are cool.

polkadottysocks:

Everything in this world is transitory.  Sooner or later you’ll be peering down into an empty mug instead of looking at the soothing, steaming coffee that once sat there and come autumn those auburn, star-shaped leaves will start their descent to the ground, floating down one by one. Nothing in this world is forever. And you’d be a silly little girl to think it were.